Tuesday I lied to Drew.
I said it was bloodwork. I wore a dress with nothing under it because I had thought about the paper and the crack in the ceiling for four days and I was done pretending this was about a form. In the waiting room a television played a cooking show with the sound off. I signed my name on a clipboard and felt empty between my legs already, like my body had shown up before I had.
“Mrs. Cole.”
Same coat. Same voice. He held the door and I walked in like I still had a choice.
Dr. Brennan closed it and locked it.
“Gown off. Table. Same as last time.”
I got on the paper. It stuck to the backs of my thighs. He washed his hands longer than he needed to. Gloves. He did not start with the chart. He pulled the stool between my knees and looked at me the way he had when I c
