25: Ruined?

Kevin Do I answer that honestly? Can I deflect it? She stares up at me with such curiosity and intensity. Once upon a time, I was ready to risk everything and tell her that she was my everything. We were young but I knew. "Why are you asking?" I begin with the mild deflection, needing that answer before I say more. "Because I heard something today that made me realize I needed to ask. You...you never looked at any girls in high school. Always made time for me and treated me like I was special to you. When I heard someone point out you had feelings for me, I suddenly see things from then differently. Not like big brother Kevin, but simply you. I rushed over here because I had to find out. Kevin, did you?" I close my eyes on her soft pleading voice. "Idle curiosity then." I say quietly. "No...because I once wondered if...if we'd be more. Because lately I know we are supposed to be working on being friends again, but I can't stop thinking that maybe we could be.....more now." I hear the hesitation and raw vulnerability in her voice. I can smell her shampoo. The same one I always loved, vanilla and freesia flowers. Some things don't change. "I know I ruined things between us. I know I was an i***t. I'm working really hard on not doing that again. So if you only want to be friends, then I won't ever ask for anything else. As long as I get to keep you in my life Kevin." I find myself looking at her hopeful face. Could I risk it all this time? Does she honestly feel the same way? "What do you want, Polly?" I ask bluntly. She presses her lips together. "To not lose you again." I shake my head. We are both deflecting from the truth. Protecting ourselves. "That's not an answer." I mutter ruefully. "Fine. How's this?" I spin back to face her and she wraps her hands behind my neck, pulling my head down to hers. Her lips move against mine and I swallow my shock. She draws back enough to look me in the eyes. "Not good enough." I manage to say hoarsely before I kiss her again. But this time, she opens her mouth and I deepen the kiss immediately. Damn....I groan as she kisses me back, running her tongue around mine. Her lips are as soft as they always looked. Every sense I have going on full alert as fire races in my veins. No going back now, I think vaguely. I wrap my arms around her and forget everything else; taking my time, kissing her who knows how many times. Letting her consume me until I can't deny my lungs the oxygen they are screaming for. I break away and stare down at her trying to catch my breath. She's breathing hard as she runs her tongue along her swollen lips. My beautiful Princess Polly. "I think....I think our friendship might be ruined." She says breathlessly. "Or at least it's at the bottom of the list for my wants. Because I want to go past it. Way past. I want what I just felt and all that comes with it." "I don't think we can go back." I say mildly and she laughs a little. Forcing myself to let her go, I step back and take another deep breath. She looks worried. "Kevin, do you regret that?" The answer to that is easy. "Hell no. But it isn't that easy, Polly. We have your crazy ex-fiance after us and....and I guess we need to talk." I gesture toward the two chairs in front of my desk. It’s time to reveal the two last things that changed me. "It hurt a lot to lose my friend but I didn't tell you that on top of that, I lost the girl I wanted to date. I had feelings for you a long time Polly and I buried them as long as I could. But I knew I couldn't leave and not tell you. Probably best it didn't happen, since it would have been unfair to you right before I moved away." I twist my watch back and forth. "I know you thought I was just overprotective big brother but it was the only way I could handle it. If someone had hurt you....I would lose it. My dad figured it out long before I did. He told me to be careful I didn't go overboard. But I did. And for that I'm sorry." She stares back at me listening patiently. "I have a strong suspicion who was talking about me having feelings for you if you know about Australia. I had planned to take you to the opera house in Sydney and then to this fancy restaurant. I was...I was going to tell you that I wanted to be more than friends Polly. And I was terrified that it would all blow up in my face. I almost told you at prom because you looked so pretty and I was struggling hard.” I let out a frustrated breath of air. "In the end, it didn't matter." "It would have." She touches my arm. "Kevin, if you'd told me....I like to think I would have given you a chance. And I really wish he'd never shown up." "But he did Pol and we need to deal with him first. He's dangerous. This whole scheme of theirs is unhinged and a threat. Also, the more we uncover, the more likely it is that he’s the one committing the atrocities we found.” I watch her closely knowing the next part is equally important. “We each need to decide what we want too. Because I go back to Stanford in five weeks." Which means I have to leave her all over again. Right when I get her back and what I always hoped for. Except this time is going to be a million times worse. Even if she chooses me, it will hurt to leave. "I already know what I want. I'm not giving you up again Kevin." She proclaims. I give her a sad smile. "You say that now but a long distance friendship is hard enough much less a relationship. I'm not naive enough to think that we're in a spot right this minute to proclaim we're all in." I am but I won’t influence her like that. It needs to be her decision completely. Would kill me if she tried to save me any pain by giving me the answer I want to hear, instead of what she wants. I won’t hold back showing her I want it all. She sits nodding a few times as she listens. When I finish, her eyes take on a determined light. “I guess now it’s time I prove to you what I want even more.” “Why do I feel like this is a challenge like we used to have?” I find myself looking forward to it if so. “Because it should be.” She looks upward, visibly thinking. “Kevin Harris, would you go on a date with me?” An idea comes to mind and I grin as it fleshes itself out easily. “Polly Barnes, date night challenge. I accept and you’ll take me on a first date. Then I get to take you. Best one presented to a small panel wins. Or one of us can cry forfeit. Ground rules: we stay in Atherton. No buying of buildings. Price limit to be determined. Must be able to accommodate bodyguards.” “Uncle Goose cannot help.” She adds pointing her finger at me. I hold up both hands in mock surrender. “Deal.” “Deal. I’ll pick you up in two nights. I’ll send you the time.” She decrees smugly. Princess Polly get ready. You said nothing about asking the big shark for help….