11

Gabriella "I'll be back soon." He places a soft kiss on my forehead hours later, the sheets sliding off of his body when he sits up. I reach for him — an automatic response while my wolf wails at having to be separated from her mate yet again. "When?" He smiles, grabbing my hand to kiss along my knuckles and wrist. "Soon." I hate that he won't give me an exact time. What does "soon" even mean, anyway? He still hasn't asked me to stay with him in his lands after the ball ends. Nor has he even mentioned anything about presenting me to his pack. Am I not good enough? Have I done something so wrong that he feels too ashamed to bring me out of the shadows? My worry over this subject hasn't left me since he first came to me after our run-in at the gardens. I want to be honest with him and tell him how I'm feeling, but will that only put more pressure on his shoulders and cause him to distance himself even more? "Will I see you in the morning?" I ask, just as he's letting go of my hand and rising from my bed. He hesitates, half-frozen in place. The silence that follows my question is deafening. "I'm...not sure." Fuck, I hate that answer. I sit up, using the sheets to cover myself, suddenly feeling more self-conscious than I ever have before with him. "Why not?" He sighs, which also isn't a good sign. "There's a lot going on behind the scenes with my pack, Gabriella." "Such as?" "It's Northern pack business." He says it firmly enough that I have no room to argue any more information out of him. While it's true that as an alpha, his dealings within his own pack should be kept private, am I not the exception? I'm his mate, after all. Is he worried I'm going to run back to my own pack and tattle or something? He can't seriously think I'd do that, right? "I wish I could tell you more, but right now I can't." He gives me a small smile. "I'll come back to you soon though. I promise." His words should be comforting to me, but they're the exact opposite. What if he can't ever let me in? What if this is how it's going to be for the rest of our lives? Him keeping me at arm's length and me begging to be let in? I don't know how I'll be able to live like that. Back home, that's already the life I'm living. Having a mate, as unexpected as it had been to find each other, should be different. Being forced to be in the same situation as before seems not only unfair but downright diabolical, as far as fate is concerned. While Elijah dresses, I stay silent in bed and watch him. Even in the terrible lighting, he's still gorgeous. My body still craves him despite us just getting done ravishing each other. He leans over to press a soft kiss to my lips once more. "Have a good sleep, Gabriella." And with that, he's gone. *** I barely sleep at all. In fact, I don't even remember my eyes closing until the morning light from my window is shining in my face and rousing me from my dreamless nap. Across the way, I spot Raya tucked into her bed, having come in sometime during the night after Elijah had left and I'd rolled over to bury myself under my covers. I'm glad he left the door unlocked after he'd gone. I would've hated for her to have found herself in another suite yet again because I couldn't get myself together enough to actually stay up and wait for her. My heart is heavy while I sit up and try to steady myself. Who knows what Elijah's even up to right now. "Pack politics" could mean so many things, and with him not telling me what's going on, there's no way for me to even try to guess what he's dealing with. Other than the usual rumors about Northern's temperament as a pack, there is hardly any information about their operations floating around, which could be both a good and bad thing. Good, as it shows the rest of our packs how strong and collected they are. Bad, because who knows what dealings they do in the shadows. Sighing to myself, I throw my covers off and grab my nightshirt off the floor before pulling it on. I hope Raya at least had a good time last night. "Mmmm, Gabby?" Her bed shifts slightly as she slowly sits up, rubbing her eyes. "What're you doing?" "Hey, sorry. Did I wake you?" "No." She yawns. "It's still early...why're you up?" "Um...couldn't sleep." I glance over at the door. Would it be suspicious of me to leave and wander around the grounds until breakfast? Raya's brows knit together. "You okay?" Fuck, that's such a loaded question. I've never been in the habit of lying to Raya, but how can I tell her about Elijah when I don't even know what's going on? This is all such a whirlwind that I can barely keep my own head on straight. "Uh..." She scoots over and pats the side of her bed. "Come here. Talk to me." "Aren't you still tired?" She smiles. "I'm okay. I wanted to ask you where you disappeared to last night but by the time I got back, you were already asleep." I slowly walk over to her, my feet dragging. Inside, I can feel my wolf stirring restlessly. She's wary like I am about telling Raya anything—not because my best friend can't be trusted, but because this is kind of the biggest deal ever. Coming here with the determination to not f**k up in front of anyone and embarrass my pack had been my only goal. With fate apparently having other plans for me, now I've got a whole other mess on my plate to deal with. Not to mention that whatever's been going on with Elijah's pack, and his secrecy surrounding it, will most likely affect me in some way. "Yeah, I was pretty tired," I say, sitting down slowly. She throws part of the comforter over my lap, still warm from her body. "I didn't see you dancing with anyone at all. Did someone upset you or something to make you leave?" I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Yeah, someone had upset me alright. Am I allowed to complain about Elijah though? As an alpha, it's kind of a given that he'd have girls throwing themselves at his feet, trying to beg for his attention. Which, while that hurt, hadn't been anything compared to him knowingly letting it happen as I watched. That had been the shittiest part about last night. He'd kind of made it up to me afterward, but then left soon after. I sigh. "I don't know." "You don't know if someone upset you?" "No." s**t, how am I ever going to properly explain this? "It's...complicated." "Talk to me, Gabriella. You know I'm always here for you." My throat tightens at her sweet words. Raya has been my rock for as long as I can remember. There's not a single day that goes by where I don't thank every god in existence for her. Trusting her is second nature at this point. So why am I clamming up? "I..." Swallowing, I force the words out. "I met someone." She gasps, grabbing my hands. "You did? That's great! What's he like?" Tears burn in my eyes while I stare down at my lap. Instead of excitement and joy, all that I feel is shame. Shame for who I am in comparison to Elijah. I'm nobody, a disgrace to her own pack, which refuses to accept her. All anyone sees when they look at me are my father's sins. How will Elijah's pack ever accept me?