I blink my eyes open and glance down at the hand draped over my elbow. Slowly, that peaceful state of oblivion starts to crackle.
Then it fades away entirely.
Oh, that’s right… Ziva’s not here. Ziva’s not anywhere anymore.
It used to be that I’d wake up forgetting that she was gone and that moment of realization was like losing her all over again. I would sit in my bed and cry into my pillow, trying frantically to recall her scent, to remember what it felt like to wake up to her cold feet seeking comfort underneath my legs.
It’s the first time that I’ve remembered that she’s gone without feeling like my world is ending all over again.
Today, I feel the acceptance hit first. Then gratitude.
Ziva’s no longer here. But I don’t feel so alone anymore. I don’t feel as though it’s me agains
