Chapter 4: Sick

I got sick soon after that day. It wasn't just the awful pain of my broken heart making me weak. Every single morning, I woke up with my head spinning and my stomach churning. I couldn't keep any food down, and even the smell of fresh tea made me gag. My entire body felt heavy, like I was dragging weights with every step I took. I couldn't even go to school because I didn't want people to see how affected I am about this whole thing because 4 years now I've been pretending like what people say to me doesn't get to me and I couldn't let them see that they won. My wolf was usually strong enough to heal any normal illness in a matter of hours, but this time, she wasn't fighting it. She was quiet and I couldn't reach her no matter how much I tried. My mom kept insisting that I go to the hospital but I couldn't bring myself to go out of the house and even go to the hospital where people can just look at me and point me and laugh at me. So, my dad decided that I go see a healer instead one that we know very well. Old Moira lives in a tiny wooden cabin surrounded by wild herbs and sweet-smelling flowers. She's an elderly healer who stayed out of pack politics and just away from interacting with people. She has known me since I was a little girl, and she was the only person left in this territory who treated me with kindness. "Sit down, child" she said, the moment I pushed her door open and I've never understood the telepathy that she has going on here because she can feel things before they even happen She took one look at my pale face and hollow eyes, guiding me to an armchair by the fireplace. She brewed a cup of warm ginger tea and sat down beside me then pressed her fingers against my wrist, closing her eyes to feel my pulse and my wolf's energy. A long, heavy moment of silence until she opened her eyes and a sad smile spread across her wrinkled face. "You aren't sick, Maya" she whispered, patting the back of my hand. I frowned, my chest tightening. "I'm not? Then why am I so dizzy? Why can't I stop throwing up?" "Because you are carrying a life" Moira said softly. "You are pregnant, child. Almost a month along." The room went still. Pregnant. The word hit me like a physical blow, knocking the air out of my lungs and my hands went to my flat stomach. Ezra's baby. I was carrying the baby of the man who had publicly turned his back on me and marked another woman in front of the whole pack. A wave of pure terror rushed through my veins. How could I bring a baby into this cruel pack? How could I raise a child when I was just a weak, discarded runt with no future and no support? But then, something incredible happened. My wolf, who has been whimpering for weeks over the broken mate bond, slowly uncurled and some warmth flooded through my chest, spreading down to my lower stomach. My wolf let out a gentle, loving purr, the first happy sound she had made since the night Ezra left me. This baby isn't a curse. It wasn't a mistake. It's a miracle, a little piece of pure light given to me in the darkness. Tears filled my eyes, but for the first time in weeks, they weren't tears of grief or shame. They were tears of pure love. "What are you going to do, Maya?" Moira asked worriedly. "Does the father know?" My heart was booming, my ears ringing and it felt like l was sinking to a point of no return but then a tiny spark of hope planted itself in my mind. Ezra. A baby changes everything. It's a blessing directly from the Moon Goddess. I don't know how he's going to react after everything, especially the way I talk to him yesterday and the way that he is father reacted. I'm not sure it's going to be good for me and the baby and I have a feeling but they may not want me to keep my baby but I also can't hide it because everybody will find out either way because of the baby's heartbeat. I don't even care that he's with Hope, they can be together for all I care, all I want is my baby and the only way I can keep my baby is to fight for him because if I don't then they will take my baby away from me. "I have to tell him," I whispered, lifting my chin as I looked at Moira. "I need to speak to him alone, just one more time." Moira let out a soft sigh, looking at me with pity, but she didn't stop me. I cradled my stomach and smiled for the first time in days because this is the miracle I've been dreaming of and if I can't have him then at least I'll have this tiny soul that we created forever. I kept my hands wrapped gently around my stomach. For the first time in weeks, my heart felt light. I had a reason to live, someone to wake up in the morning for because I've felt so helpless over the last couple of days. I just need to tell him about the baby and I'll leave this pack as long as I have my baby. I wish I could just leave right now but I can't be a rogue, and what if they hunt me down and hurt me I just can't risk anything happening to my baby so I'll talk to him and I'll leave as long nobody takes my baby from me. Then, without any warning, a sharp pain slammed directly into the center of my chest. "Ah" I gasped, stopping dead in my tracks. It felt like a burning blade was being shoved straight into my heart. I grabbed my chest, trying to catch my breath, but the pain only got worse. It wasn't just my own pain. It was coming from the mate bond. I felt his hands touching soft skin. I felt his lips pressing against someone else's mouth. I felt the hot, surging rush of his desire, his passion, his pleasure, all meant for Hope. They were together. Having s*x and l felt everything but the difference being the fact that I felt pain where they felt pleasure. "No. no, please." I sobbed, stumbling backwards. The bond was forcing me to feel every single touch, every kiss, every drop of ecstasy he was giving to another woman. It was like he was carving my soul into pieces with a sharp knife. The physical shock hit my body so hard that my legs buckled and l fell on my knees in agony as my whole body pained. "Ezra" I screamed at the top of my lungs, my voice echoing through the empty trees. I squeezed my eyes shut and slammed my hands against the side of my head, trying to block out the feelings, trying to sever the link, but I couldn't. The mate bond was too strong. The raw physical trauma of his intimacy with another female was ripping my unmarked body apart. I clawed at the dirt, screaming and sobbing until my throat burned. My chest felt like it was bursting open. I couldn't breathe. And then, a violent, tearing cramp stabbed into my lower stomach and I gasped, my eyes opening in pure terror. "No" The pain in my belly drowned out the mate bond. It felt like my insides were twisting into tight knots. "No, no, no! Please, God, no" I begged, dropping my forehead into the dirt as I wrapped both arms tightly around my stomach rolling around. "Not my baby! Please, don't take my baby" My wolf let out a terrible, heartbroken howl deep inside my mind. The glowing warmth has been cradling my soul for the past few hours suddenly began to flicker. It grew colder and colder, slipping away from me like water through my fingers. A sharp, unbearable wave of agony squeezed my womb. I felt a hot liquid soaking through my clothes, staining the dirt under my knees red. I tried to stand up and maybe try to save my baby but I couldn't because the pain their intimacy was giving me wouldn't let me even stand on my feet. "Ezra" I whimpered, my voice barely a whisper now. I was willing him to stop with my mind but he wouldn't stop. They kept going and l had to lie there and hear them not just trample over my dignity and my heart but my baby. The tiny light in me went out and the sound of my wolf died. My baby was gone. The physical shock and the overwhelming grief finally snapped my body's last thread of strength. My arms gave out, and I slumped sideways on the cold, bloody ground, staring blankly at the trees above me. Far away in the pack house, Ezra was holding Hope in his arms. And here, alone on the dirty forest floor, I was lying in my own blood, crying for the child he helped create and kill.