THE ONE WITH MARY
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At 8:02 AM the next morning, my buddy Chris texted me.
CHRIS: How was the date with Carrie? I must know everything!
No, Chris, you must know nothing. If I told you I lost my virginity the night before, you would not be able to keep the secret. And then it would get back to Carrie, and she would know she had taken my cherry.
I don't know how she would take that, but it would inevitably change her perception of me. It might gross her out. It might make her all gooey, and sweet, and condescending. But whatever she thought, she wouldn't see me as the magnificent f**k beast she apparently thought I was currently. I would never do anything to make Carrie Croenke stop thinking of me as a magnificent f**k beast!
I should start playing Poker. I could clearly bluff my w
