The Weight of Secret

Chapter 15 Derek’s POV The campus café buzzed with afternoon chatter as I sat across from Alex the next day. Sunlight streamed through the windows, highlighting his easy smile and messy blond hair. Our project materials were spread across the table, but my mind was elsewhere,still replaying the rough, desperate s*x with Marcus in my room while Mom was out. “You seem distracted again,” Alex said, pushing a coffee toward me. “Everything alright at home? The engagement stuff hitting hard?” I stared into my cup, the weight of secrets pressing on my chest like a physical force. Part of me desperately wanted to tell someone. Alex had become a real friend, supportive, non-judgmental. For a moment, the words hovered on my tongue. “I slept with him. Twice. My mom’s fiancé f****d me while she was home.” My hands trembled around the cup. I almost said it. Almost unloaded everything, the confusion, the guilt, the terrifying pleasure. Alex leaned forward, eyes kind and patient. “Derek, if you need to talk… I’m here. No judgment. Family stuff can get messy. Especially with new people coming in.” I opened my mouth. Closed it. The fear of exposure, of destroying Mom’s happiness, of Marcus’s intense gaze, clamped down hard. “It’s complicated,” I finally whispered. “I just… I don’t know who I am anymore.” Alex reached across the table, squeezing my shoulder briefly. “Whoever you’re figuring out, it’s okay. You don’t have to carry it alone.” His kindness almost broke me. I nodded, swallowing the confession. The moment passed, but the almost-admission left me shaken. We shifted back to the project, but my focus was shattered. Later that evening, the apartment felt smaller than ever. Mom was working a late shift again, leaving Marcus and me alone. He was in the living room when I got home, reviewing some documents. The sight of him,broad shoulders, calm authority, sent a confusing mix of desire and resentment through me. “Rough day?” he asked, setting his papers aside. I dropped onto the couch, exhausted. “The research… it keeps mirroring everything. And Alex… I almost told him today.” Marcus’s expression darkened slightly, but he moved to sit beside me. Not touching, but close. “You didn’t.” “No. But I wanted to.” I looked at him directly. “This secret is getting too heavy. I can’t keep pretending around everyone.” He was quiet for a long moment. Then, surprisingly, he opened up. “I know what carrying secrets feels like. Before I met your mom, I was married once. Young. It fell apart because I was hiding who I really was, the parts of me that didn’t fit the picture everyone expected. Loss, loneliness… it changes you. Make you careful. Controlled.” His voice softened. “Meeting your mom felt like a second chance at something stable. Then I met you, and everything became complicated again.” The vulnerability in his words surprised me. Marcus always seemed so steady, so in control. Hearing about his past made him feel more human, and somehow more dangerous. I found myself leaning toward him without meaning to. Before I could respond, the front door opened. Mom walked in earlier than expected, looking tired but happy. “Hey, boys. Long day, but good news, the clinic approved my time off for the wedding.” She kicked off her shoes and joined us in the living room, smiling brightly. “Actually, I’ve been thinking… since the wedding is coming up faster than we planned, and you’re already here most nights, Marcus… what if you moved in sooner? Like, next week? It would make planning easier, and we’d feel more like a family.” The words landed like a bomb. My stomach dropped. Marcus moving in permanently? Sleeping under the same roof every night, with Mom just down the hall? Marcus glanced at me briefly, something unreadable in his eyes, before smiling at Mom. “If that’s what you want, I’d love that.” Mom beamed, pulling both of us into a group hug. “This is going to be wonderful. Our family starting fresh.” I forced a smile, but inside, panic and forbidden excitement warred. Marcus’s hand brushed my lower back during the hug, a secret touch no one else noticed. The weight of secrets grew heavier with every passing second. Mom chattered excitedly about moving plans while I stood there, trapped between the man I couldn’t resist and the mother I couldn’t bear to hurt. Marcus moving in sooner changed everything. And I had no idea how I was going to survive it.