Chapter 1: Summer Fun

Nadine's P.O.V. ******************************** ~ Nadine: Age 8 / Feral: Age 15 ~ ******************************** "Hey Calix," I said as I ran up him. He was working on his bike in the garage at the clubhouse. Dad had given him a piece of cr.ap to work on. Said something about needing to earn the right to ride it. Whatever that means. "Hey Sunshine," he replied without looking up from his bike. "What's up?" "Wanna go down to the lake with me?" I asked him, beach towel already in hand. Calix stood up, looking me over as he wiped the oil from his hands. "You have a pool in your backyard," he said. "Your parents put it in last summer. Even built a big wrap-around deck that connects to the back porch." "I like the lake better," I lied, trying to keep the smile on my face. I know we have a pool. I know why we got it too. Another guilt gift from Dad to Mom. Another purchase she demanded to have after finding Dad with a club bunny. Again. I remember that fight. It was a bad one. I guess the bunny was claiming to be pregnant and that was how Mom had found out. She wasn't though. I don't think anyway. Anyway, that's not even why I don't want to swim at home. It's because Mom is there and Kaizen isn't. Dad is out on a run right now too. I'd rather go to the lake or just die of a heat stroke in my bedroom. Mom hasn't been... the greatest lately. I mean, she hasn't been great ever, but lately it's been worse. For as long as I can remember, my mother has hated me. That's what it feels like anyway. If she and Dad aren't ignoring us or fighting, Mom is either giving me nasty looks or spewing hateful stuff. My whole life she's called me poison and told me I ruined our family, that they were better before I was born. At least, when she remembers I exist, that is. N However, now she's started adding stuff about my appearance. Really mean stuff. Stuff that I don't really understand, but it still hurts my feelings. I definitely don't want her to see me in my swimsuit. I don't want to tell anyone. Dad doesn't care. Kaizen will just flip out, and it won't matter because he's only 13. Calix wouldn't be able to do anything. The other ol' ladies, like Aunt Claire, wouldn't be able to do anything either. It would only make things worse if I told anybody. I don't want to be the reason for more problems. It's better if I just stay silent about it. Better for everyone. Less drama. For a moment, Calix just stared at me. I wondered if he could tell that I was lying. I didn't want to explain anything though. I never wanted to feel like anyone's care came from a place of pity. I just wanted to be myself and have friends. Even if they were much older than me. "Your mom say it was okay?" Calix finally asked. I nodded as I clutched my towel. "She said she didn't care as long as I wasn't alone," I said. Which was another lie. Mom didn't care what I did or where I went. She didn't even care enough to ask me where I was going when I walked out of the house. I just knew that if Kaizen or Calix found out I went to the lake by myself, they'd be pi.ssed. They'd tell Dad, and he'd fight with Mom. It wasn't worth it. So, Mom's too busy not giving a sh.it about me. Dad's too busy avoiding her. And right now Kaizen is too busy with some girl he invited over to the clubhouse today. Which left Calix. Mom and Dad's whole thing about being better lasted two months. That was it. And it wasn't even that much better. They went to counseling, were present, asked about our days, all the normal stuff. But Mom always gave me that nasty look, always made sure to remind me that I was poison to our family when no one else was around to hear it. It was less frequent though, and I was honestly just happy to have food on the table when I got home from school. It was definitely better than before, just not by much. And then one day, we came home from school, and they were fighting again. Mom was accusing Dad of cheating. For the first time ever he was denying it. It ended with him saying that he was just going to do it if he was going to be accused. Then he was gone all night. Things went right back to the way they were. No food on the table in the morning or after school. No one asking about our days. No one checking our homework. No one giving a sh.it about us. No apologies. No explanations. Nothing. Just... avoidance. And things are slowly getting worse. Mom is becoming colder, and not just to me either. She's pulling away. She's distant. She's been drinking more too. Dad is the same. He spends most of his time working or out on runs for the club. I can tell he's been trying to avoid Mom more too. Which, in turn, means he avoids me. He and Kaizen see each other at the clubhouse all the time, but I'm mostly stuck at home. The guys don't like me being inside the clubhouse too much because I'm so little still. "Where's your brother?" Calix suddenly asked. "Last I saw him, he was kissing some girl around back," I replied, pointing my thumb behind me. "It's okay if you don't want to go," I added. "I understand if you have stuff to do." I was just about to give up. I turned around to head back home, hoping I could make it to my room and avoid Mom. Suddenly, Calix had grabbed my arm, and I turned back around to look at him. "No, it's okay, I'll take you," he said. "I could use a break and it's hot. Just let me go change and we'll head out." I beamed at him and nodded. Once Calix was changed, he came back out with his bicycle. He let me ride on the handlebars as he peddled through town. I giggled and chatted the whole time. Talking to Calix was so easy. Actually, talking to all the brothers was easy. My uncles are great with me and the rest of the club kids, but I get along better with my brother's friends. Calix and I are closest, but I like everybody. I have more fun with them than at home. I'm glad that Kaizen opened up to them more and started bringing me around more. Calix is the one I'd consider my best friend though. "I'm glad the place is empty," Calix muttered as we picked a spot in the sand. He threw our towels down and then took off his shirt. I looked away, feeling embarrassed for some reason. Then he looked at me, raising a brow at me. "You comin?" he asked. "Uh, yeah," I replied, taking a step forward. "In your shirt?" he asked, bringing me to a stop. "Oh, uhm, well..." I trailed off, suddenly feeling silly as I tugged on the end my oversized T-shirt. It's not like I was wearing anything revealing. I see how the club bunnies walk around, but I'm only eight years old. I was wearing a simple, bright pink one-piece swimsuit with colorful swirls all over it. It was basic and my favorite color. But I look horrible in it. I guess. I don't know. That's what Mom says. Which is why I don't want to swim at home. She'll just tell me how gross and desperate I look in my swimsuit. Calix raised a brow at me, waiting for me to finish. I didn't know how to explain what I felt, or even want to. So, I looked away from him and pulled the shirt over my head. Then I ran into the water, refusing to look back. Thankfully, it wasn't awkward. Not like how it is at home. Calix didn't say anything about my swimsuit at all, so maybe he didn't think I looked gross. He'd tell me if he thought that, right? Like how Mom does. She says she's doing it for me, so Calix would tell me if I was gross-looking too. Which means that I must look just fine to him. And that thought helped me relax and enjoy the moment. So, I let loose and we splashed around and did tricks. Or, well, Calix watched me splash around and do tricks while he hovered near me. It was the most fun I'd had all summer. "You think we could get everyone to come out here one day before summer ends?" I asked Calix as we laid out on a blanket he brought and watched the clouds. "Like the whole club?" he asked. "Not the whole club," I replied. "Just like... our friends." "Our friends?" he asked with a laugh, looking at me. "They're my friends too," I grumbled, frowning at him. "Yeah, because you're Kaizen's little sister," he told me. I knew he meant it teasingly, but those words made something heavy sit in my chest. Was that the only reason anyone was nice to me? Have I had it wrong this whole time? Were they not really my friends? "They're nice to me..." I mumbled, suddenly feeling confused. "That doesn't always mean someone likes you, Naddy," Calix said gently. "You're a club princess. You need to stay alert. People are going to start being nice to you to get closer to the club the older you get. You need to learn how to tell when people are genuine." His words made me think. But I had no idea how to be alert like that or how to tell if someone was genuine. As far as I knew, everyone who was nice to me were people that cared about me. Was that really not true? "So... our — your friends... they're not genuine?" I asked, trying to figure out what Calix was trying to tell me. "No, they are," he replied. "They are nice to you because you're a club princess and because of Kaizen, but everyone loves you, Naddy. They all care about you. Trust me on that." But didn't he just say- "I just want you to have the thought in your head, okay?" he said, cutting off my thoughts. "You're getting older and people are going to start trying to use you. I want you to be prepared for that." "To get closer to the club," I mumbled. "Exactly," he replied, looking up at the clouds again. I was silent for a moment as I watched the clouds go by. Calix was silent too, but he always was. It never felt awkward with him though. I always felt comfortable all the time. Like I was safe. "Are you genuine, Calix?" I asked him. "Yeah," he replied with a smile that made my heart beat faster. "I'm the most genuine, kiddo." I smiled at him as I snuggled closer to his side. "That must be why," I whispered. "Why what?" he asked. "Why I feel safe with you."