Chapter 51 Episode 51

Then again, everything always makes sense on paper. Plans are beautiful because everyone assumes nothing can ever go wrong. I drive through my rolling black gates and park right in front of the entrance. There are a few lights on throughout the house, but it feels empty. Deserted. I walk into my office and close the door. The lights are off, but the blinds are open, ambient light from the garden adding just the tiniest bit of visibility. It's all I need. Before I turn the television on, I walk to the matte black cabinets against the wall and grab the silver combination lock. I turn the dial until the code is complete and the door pops open. There’s a neatly organized line of video tapes inside. I don’t have to read the labels to find the one I want. I pull it out, shut the drawer and head back to the television. A minute later, the screen flicks on and the video rolls. The last time I watched this video was maybe a day or two before I met Jessa. But it feels like it's been ages. I don’t know why I want to see it again tonight. Probably just masochism, plain and simple. An image flickers into life. A conference room. Men sitting around an oblong table. The meeting starts the same self-important way that all Bratva meetings start. We were welcoming a new faction into our ranks. They’d been vying for the privilege for some time. It was an alliance I needed, but I’d been playing hard to get to make them come to us. And of course, they had. Just as I’d intended. The footage is clear, the pixels small enough that you can pinpoint details. Like the fact that the leader of the group, Horus, was wearing gold cufflinks. He'd dressed to impress. So had his men. Another reason I knew I had it in the bag. Her voice is quiet now only because I have the volume turned down, but in the moment, her words sliced through the air like a blade. I watch my expression onscreen twist to darkness for a flash before past-me composed myself. Lev was standing behind my right shoulder. The moment he heard her, he moved for the door. But he wasn’t fast enough. He was only halfway there and I was only halfway to my feet when the door burst open and Marina stormed in. I stared at her face, trying to remember what I used to find beautiful about the woman. Her blonde hair was as immaculate as ever, but her eyes were cloaked in rage. Lev likes to make fun of the fact that I have a “type.” And in truth, there are a few similarities between Jessa and Marina. The hair being one. But right now, all I can see are their differences. Marina’s hair was long and thick, a bright, sunshine blonde that was closer to yellow than gold. Jessa’s hair is shorter, thinner, and darker. A rich honey blonde with dark roots. Marina’s face was thinner, harsher, more aristocratic. Jessa’s face is softer, more prone to smiles and laughter. If Marina ever smiled, there was something twisted in the way her lips curved. Something maniacal in her features. A shadow in the corner of her smirk. My voice booms from the tape. The gathered men shifted in their seats. “You f*****g bastard!” she screamed again. “Do I look like I give a f**k? Dismiss them. Send them away. We need to talk.” That had been my first mistake. I should have dismissed them immediately, before she asked. I'd know better now. But back then, I was determined not to let her change my plans. Plans she knew I’d been making for months. She approached me, her eyes wild, and slammed her fists into my chest. I let her get in three good hits before I grabbed her and twisted her around so her back was pressed against my chest. She screamed hysterically and tried to break from my grasp. Her legs kicked out at the chair I’d just vacated. It hit the table and some of the men leaned back in their seats in alarm. “Let me take her,” Lev hissed urgently. “You touch me, Lev, and I’ll f*****g kill you!” spat Marina. “Out!” I roared. “Get the f**k out of here. All of you.” No one needed to be told twice. I noticed the glance that Lev gave me as he followed the men out of the office on the second floor. A space I haven't been in since. As soon as we were alone, I watch myself fling Marina on top of the table. Her legs dangled pitifully over the side and for a moment, I wondered if I’d gone too far. She was making an unholy, animalistic noise of pain. But then she bolted upright, her teeth bared, and lunged for me. “Who the f**k is she?” Marina roared as she made a swipe at my face. I easily dodged her first hit without even having to try. The woman was wild, but she was predictable. After a few physical confrontations with her, it was easy to predict where her next strike would go. Usually, I let her tire herself out before I'd step in and shut down the tantrum. But that day was different. There was something desperate in the way she came at me. At the time, I was ignorant to what had pissed her off. “Who the f**k is who?” “The woman you were with last night,” she demanded, coming at me slower, more cautious this time around. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about." Her eyes flared as she lashed her hand out, meeting the very corner of my jaw. My head snapped to the side. She wanted more—more blood, more pain—but the next time she tried to claw at me, I was ready. I caught her arm and twisted it back. She screamed, but it didn’t seem to slow her down at all. My eyes slip from the screen for a second, and my hand rises to my jawline. She left a scratch that day. It didn’t scar or anything like that. Within a week, it was gone altogether. But sometimes, when I think of her, the spot where she marked me still tingles. “I’m going to f*****g kill you!” she shrieked. She lunged at me again, but I stepped to the side and grabbed her by the hair. She gasped as I jerked her backwards and swept her feet out from under her. She went down and I landed on top of her with her long blonde hair still tight in my grip. “Listen to me, you psychotic b***h. You cannot come in here. You may be my wife, but it’s in title only." "You have my father’s support and money because of me!” “What makes you think I need your father’s support or money?” I asked her. “You need me… You need me…” But she doesn’t sound so confident anymore. The pixels break apart for a moment and the screen goes fuzzy. This part of the video has always been like this. It’ll clear up in seven, six, five… I close my eyes and count. But when I reach zero, I force myself to look again. I don’t need to see the footage to be reminded of what happens next, but like an addict who can't stop shooting up even though it's killing him, I watch. I remember the look in her eyes when I stared down at her, holding her blonde hair like a rope. The desperation, the unhappiness, the wild anger. It was all a mask to cover up how deeply unhappy she was. How thoroughly broken. “You know how long I’ve been working on this alliance,” I growled at her. “You know how much work it’s been.” “Which is exactly why I came in here,” she snarled at me. “I wanted to destroy something that you care about.” “Why, Marina?” I asked. “You don’t care about this marriage any more than I do.” Her face was shielded by the side of my arm. I can’t see her expression on the camera, but I remember it all too well. The flat darkness in her eyes. The way she’d searched my face for something. Even now, I don’t have a f*****g clue what she was trying to find there. “I’m going to destroy everything you love,” she threatened. “You so much as look at another woman and I’ll murder you and your entire Bratva.” “I have bigger balls than you do, you motherfucking—” I wince and turn away. When I look back at the screen, I can see her hands on my face, trying to claw my eyes out. I slapped her hands away and pinned her to the table by her throat. “Don’t make me do this, Marina,” I warned her. “You keep this up and I will end this marriage and throw you back to your father, like I should have done a long time ago.” Her eyes widened. “You wouldn’t…” “Watch me. The Ivanov connection is not worth this hell I have to live in every day. Seeing your face is not worth any amount of money or power.” Her jaw went slack as she stared at me. That settled something for her. Maybe she realized I was truly beyond redemption. I sighed and let go. Turned away.