Chapter 20: Thin line between love and hate.

Maya’s POV I felt like I couldn’t breathe when I got back into my room. I tried to stick around for an hour and Alexander and his future wife also left before I made my way back to my room. The second I closed the door of my bedroom and locked it, the armor I've been forcing myself to wear collapsed. My chest was tightening and my insides were boiling, and it felt like there was something stuck in my throat that I just couldn't get rid of. It was a heavy, suffocating lump of pure pain, and no matter how hard I swallowed or how many deep breaths I tried to take, it wouldn't go away. And the worst part was that I just couldn't cry it out either, my mind was numb, and the tears just refused to fall, leaving all that agonizing pain trapped right inside my ribs. I walked over to the edge of the bed and sat down on the floor, pulling my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my knees, trembling. Love is the worst feeling I’ve ever had to go through. It's my absolute worst nightmare because it’s never done me any good, and it destroys me every single time. Ten years ago, it was Ezra. I trusted him with my heart, my body, and he rewarded me by breaking the mate bond, killing my unborn baby, executing my father, and throwing me into a cage. I thought I had learned my lesson. I thought I had locked my heart away forever in a place where no man could ever reach it again. And then Alexander walked into my life. I let myself feel again. I let myself hope, even just for a split second, that maybe the universe was finally giving me something good. And now, I was sitting here in the dark, feeling like my soul was being torn apart all over again because of another mate who had a betrothed princess. I looked up at the ceiling, my throat sore and burning. Why couldn’t we just be like humans? Humans just fall in love with anybody, and they actually get to choose whether they want to fall in love with that person or not. If a human gets hurt, they can walk away, block the person, and eventually move on with someone else without their whole body feeling like it's dying. Why do we have to have that one person that you love no matter what? That one person chosen for you that you just can't get rid of in your heart because they feel like the air that you breathe? It felt so unfair. My wolf was pacing back and forth inside my mind, whimpering in pain, reaching out through the bond toward Alexander even though my brain was screaming at her to stop. The mate bond was pulling me toward him no matter how much he hurt me. I hated it. I hate the Moon Goddess, I hate the mate bond, and most of all, I hate myself for being stupid enough to care. Suddenly, a knock echoed against my bedroom door. "Maya," I heard his voice call out from the hallway. He sounded frazzled, his footsteps pacing back and forth outside my door. He kept knocking and knocking but I didn't open the door. I didn't move from the bed. I just sat there staring at the door wrapping my arms tighter around my knees. "Maya, please. I know you're in here, and I just want to talk," he said, his voice dropping to a low, desperate tone. "I want to explain. Just give me the chance." I closed my eyes and let out bitter, cold laugh even though no sound came out of my lips. I'm tired of people explaining and explaining, because none of that fixes my wounds or my heart. Ezra had explanations when he locked me in his dungeon. He had excuses for why he needed to mark Hope and take over the pack. And now Alexander wanted to explain why he's marrying Princess Sophia, why she was calling him her future husband in front of the entire council. What was there left to explain? Words don't erase the fact that he promised to protect me while being bound to another woman. Words don't fix a shattered heart. Words don't undo the humiliation I felt standing in that ballroom while everyone stared at me like I was just the King's dirty little side secret. "Maya, open the door" he growled softly, resting his forehead against the door on the other side. "Please, don't do this. Don't hide behind your walls again. Just hear me out for five minutes." "Go away, Alexander," I finally said, my voice sounding flat, cold, and emotionless. "I am not going anywhere," he spat back firmly. "I am not leaving you alone. What you saw out there, it's not what you think. It's an agreement with her father was signed weeks ago before I ever knew you existed" "It doesn't matter what it is" I called out, forcing my voice to stay as hard. "You are betrothed to a vampire princess, Your Majesty. You have a kingdom to run and a bride to marry. And I have a pack to lead. We have nothing more to say to each other." "It does matter" he roared, slamming his hands against the door. "I don't care about Sophia, I don't care about her father, and I'm not marrying her. You're my mate, Maya. You're the only woman who will ever wear my crown, and I will tear that contract before I ever let anyone else take your place" His words were so powerful and filled with so much passion that for a second, my stupid heart skipped a beat. My wolf howled wanting to run over to the door, unlock it, and throw herself into his arms. But I forced my body to stay still. My desire to listen to my heart and not my mind is the reason why my parents died. Promises were easy to make but when the time comes, men like him always chose power, politics, and their own pride over everything else. "Keep your promises for your future Queen, Alexander" I said. "I'm done being second best. Leave me alone." Silence fell over the hallway and I could hear his heavy breathing on the other side of the door, his wolf growling in frustration. "I'm not giving up on you, Maya," Alexander whispered, his deep voice carrying a promise. "You can lock this door tonight, and you can push me away all you want. But I'm going to fix this. And when I do, you're going to take your place right by my side where you belong." I didn't answer him. I just laid my head down on my knees, listening as his footsteps finally faded down the corridor. I was alone again, just like I've always been. And I swore to myself right then and there that I would never, ever let King Alexander break what was left of my soul again.