Chapter 11

I know about s*x. About what it is, after all I am old enough for that. But the upbringing of a Sicilian woman is so restrained that no one has ever spoken so openly. I know the biology, I know nothing about love, but I will leave this night educated in cruelty. Bruno approaches her, lowers his pants to his knees, and spits into his hand, stroking himself. I cannot look at his intimacy and keep my eyes fixed on Alexandra. Her eyes are desperate. She had already been abused that night. My brothers did that to her, so now she only seems resigned. Begging, no longer for it not to happen, but for it to end. Her eyes shed no tears, while a single one slips down my face. “I am sorry,” I whisper. I feel guilty. Bruno is right, this is my fault. Maybe this situation would be less horrible for her if I had not interfered and spoken about the hope of escape. She only closes her eyes and screams in pain, while the friction of skin tears her apart. The sound of her hips colliding with his seems louder than it really is. He pulls her hair with one hand, while the other lifts her surrendered body against the table. She can do nothing except feel the friction, the pain that contact causes. I can hear every little shard of her violated soul falling to the floor. The first layers of her, he has already stripped away. It is irreversible. He is breaking her. He breaks me too, making me responsible for it. I only bend forward and vomit to the sound of the flaming girl’s screams. The two of us walk through hell together that night, but it is because of my fault that she remains possessed by the devil. Bruno leaves her lying on the table, in the same position, and walks out. I do not know how long he stays away. I have some awareness that we have not been here for very long, but he is right: it feels like an eternity. Once again, we have no control over time, and we are left here to be forgotten. She begged so much that, at some point, there was nothing left. Well, I thought there was nothing left, but the noise at the door brings me the prodigy boy. Brother. Paolo enters the room, without any expression on his face, once again followed by Raoul. My middle brother carries a bucket of water and a towel. He approaches Alexandra and moves her hair away, clearing her vision. Looking into her eyes, already so empty, breaks me more and more in half. The blue is dull, lifeless. It seems that even her hair has faded. It no longer burns. There is only a body left there, because the soul has been torn apart. Raoul begins untying the knots and removing those ropes that squeeze her. Paolo only watches while both of them ignore my presence there. She trembles when she feels Raoul’s touch on her skin. Fear covers what remains of her soul, and I can see that she only expects death right there. “I’m only going to clean you. Don’t move,” he says softly, trying to calm her. My Raoul was always gentler, less involved with this cursed business. That is why he was always tested, proven, and challenged. He had to be capable of handling everything. “Are you justifying yourself to the little w***e?” “Just give her a moment, okay?” “Weak again, Raoul? Want to be tested again?” “Let me do my job, and then you do yours.” He cleans the wounds, the vomit covering her skin, the blood, and the tears. A patient job, so as not to hurt her more. “That’s it. Nice and clean. I do not want someone else’s f*****g mess there.” I start breathing fast and deeply, as if the air were escaping me. Paolo is going to start again. How much can a soul endure in one day? “Paolo…” I try to question something, but I am so shocked that I cannot form anything decent. “Little sister. Did you know I would never have imagined you would be stupid enough to get involved again? The first time, we even overlooked it, because you did not know it was business. But now? Are you so empty-headed that you do not realize that whores like this are the ones who pay our bills?” His blue eyes seem to want to strip my soul bare as he squeezes my face and forces me to look at him, to understand that I can never, ever interfere in business, showing me how it has attached itself to his soul and become bigger than all of us. “She cannot take any more. Let her rest a little, like Raoul said.” “Raoul, my brother. The two of you are made from our mother’s weak genetics.” He laughs bitterly. “A fool and a coward. We are always having to remind him what it means to be a man of this family. Weakness in a man is not even a little dignified and…” “Paolo, enough!” Raoul speaks up, his face tense with the direction our brother is taking. “What? Afraid she will find out? Come on, brother. We are family! We know she is the gossiping, nosy one who needs correction. I am the one without character, that should be enough to command the business in the future. And you, dear brother…” “I’m done here. Do your part. I’m going to clean Valentina.” Paolo only laughs and approaches Alexandra. He runs his finger along her hip, as if testing the texture of meat in a butcher shop, reaching her groin. “There is still c*m here. You know me well, you know you have to clean properly.” With a mocking face, he takes the cloth from Raoul’s hands and dips it into the cold water. He wrings it out and rubs it hard against her most intimate place. She moans in pain, and he laughs. “That’s it, b***h, moan for me,” he says, slapping her hard on the ass. “Finish this already,” Raoul says. “Trying to run away from our little family conversation?” As he says it, he approaches him and throws an arm over his shoulders. Raoul tries to pull away, but Paolo is stronger and far less disturbed. “You know, Valentina, he wants to be the little princess of the Consigliere’s soldiers.” I widen my eyes, staring at Raoul.